11 July 2023

Three Ways to Remove Comparison and Become Unstoppable

1Frameworks

11Insights

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Frameworks in this episode

Mindset7 steps

The Three Mindset Shifts to Release Comparison

Replace the face, live in the gain, and practice gratitude to kill comparison

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Insights & moments

The myth-busts, hot takes, explainers, and tools worth keeping.

Hot Take· 1

Hot Take0:15:15

If you're not thankful for 200 followers, 2 million won't fix you

Jasmine's bluntest point in the episode is that gratitude scales or it does not exist. If you cannot be thankful for two hundred followers you will not be thankful at two thousand, two hundred thousand or two million, and the same holds for the clients you currently serve. Her claim is that appreciation is the mechanism by which more actually arrives, because it determines the energy you bring to the work.

Ingratitude at small numbers persists at large numbers
The same test applies to your current client roster
Appreciation for what you have is how you attract more
Energy brought to the work follows from gratitude

“If you're not thankful for your 200 followers, how are you ever going to be thankful for 2000 followers or 200,000 followers or 2 million…”
Jasmine Star · 0:15:15

“The way that we get and attract more is simply by being thankful for what we have.”
Jasmine Star · 0:15:15

#gratitude#audience-growth#clients#mindset

Explainer· 4

Explainer0:10:38

Gratitude is cognitive reappraisal, and reappraisal is what builds resilience

Jasmine defines resilience as the ability to get back up and links gratitude to cognitive reappraisal, which she glosses simply as reframing. The claim is that we retain control over how we choose to see events, and without gratitude attention defaults to the negative, which erodes the will to pursue growth. She credits David DeSteno's work and notes the result is increased self-control.

Cognitive reappraisal is just a technical word for reframing
Gratitude gives you control over your perspective on hardship
Without it, attention collapses onto the negative
The downstream effect is greater self-control and resilience

“Gratitude is connected to increasing our self-control and our resilience.”
Jasmine Star · 0:11:49

“This means we have control over our perspective in how we choose to see things.”
Jasmine Star · 0:10:38

#gratitude#resilience#psychology#reframing

Explainer0:11:49

The dopamine argument for why gratitude sharpens your focus

Jasmine walks through the mechanism she attributes to gratitude improving mental clarity: dopamine drives the reward system, but it also underpins executive function, the ability to think and plan. More dopamine means more motivation to strive and focus, and it increases both the quality and duration of attention as well as the appetite for learning.

Dopamine sits behind pleasure and behind executive function
Motivation to strive and focus is a dopamine effect
It lengthens and deepens attention span
It makes learning and curiosity feel more rewarding

“So dopamine gives us motivation, which helps us strive and focus.”
Jasmine Star · 0:13:00

#gratitude#focus#dopamine#productivity

Explainer0:13:00

Saying thank you tells your brain you are competent

Gratitude raises self-belief by redirecting attention onto strengths and accomplishments and countering negative self-talk. Jasmine's specific mechanism: expressing gratitude requires looking back at something that already happened, and that backward glance is read by your brain as evidence of competence. The practice she prescribes is deliberately tiny, one or two lines on a sticky note rather than long journaling.

Gratitude raises awareness of your own strengths and wins
It directly counters negative internal dialogue
Reviewing what has already happened signals competence to your brain
A consistent tiny practice beats an elaborate one

“Gratitude can enhance the self awareness of your strengths and your accomplishments, and it counters your negative self-talk.”
Jasmine Star · 0:13:00

“But when you're expressing gratitude for something that has already happened, it's a signal to your brain that you're competent.”
Jasmine Star · 0:14:10

#gratitude#self-belief#confidence#habits

Explainer0:14:10

Appreciation improves communication, and communication deepens connection

Internal gratitude changes how you approach every relationship, with a partner, family, children and coworkers, by loading it with appreciation. Jasmine argues that appreciation improves communication, better communication deepens connection, and deeper connection makes people want to be around you. Her counter to the assumption that people already know you are thankful is simply that saying it again never hurts.

Gratitude alters the posture you bring to every relationship
Appreciation is a communication upgrade, not just a feeling
Deeper connections follow from better communication
Assuming people already know you are grateful is a mistake

“When we say those things, it improves our communication. And when we communicate better, our connections get deeper.”
Jasmine Star · 0:15:15

#gratitude#relationships#communication#team

Story· 3

Story0:00:13

The regifted roller skates that taught Jasmine what joy without comparison looks like

Jasmine grew up in a family of five children where church donations and neighbours' food deliveries were normal, and Christmas gifts arrived from adopting families. Her neighbour Lupita Guzman's father had lost his job, so Lupita's Christmas gift was her sister's used roller skates, presented as Santa regifting them. Lupita skated the street in complete joy alongside children with brand new toys, which left Jasmine befuddled as a child and became the anchor image for the whole episode.

Donated Christmas gifts and food on the porch were routine in the neighbourhood
Lupita received her sister's roller skates framed as a regift from Santa
She felt pure joy because she never measured her gift against anyone else's
The story frames comparison as a choice rather than a circumstance

“And she felt her joy because she wasn't comparing her gifts to anybody else.”
Jasmine Star · 0:02:26

“She said Santa loved my sister's skates so much that he gave them to me.”
Jasmine Star · 0:02:26

#comparison#childhood#gratitude#joy

Story0:02:26

Everyone was in Portugal and Jasmine was on a treadmill going nowhere

Over Memorial weekend it felt to Jasmine as though everyone online was in Portugal, the Hamptons or the Amalfi Coast while she was on a stationary walking treadmill surrounded by her three-year-old's toys. She admits she caught herself thinking her life was boring and that she should be out doing something. The confession sets up her claim that comparison hits everyone in varying degrees, and for some people daily.

Social media makes the comparison problem sharper than ever before
Even a host who teaches mindset gets caught in the spiral
The trigger was ordinary domestic life measured against holiday highlight reels
Comparison intensity varies by person and by day

“I was on my stationary treadmill surrounded by a pile of three year old toys.”
Jasmine Star · 0:03:35

“I hate even admitting that, but we get real on the podcast.”
Jasmine Star · 0:03:35

#comparison#social-media#honesty#mindset

Story0:16:42

The perfume that became the smell of cancer

One Christmas Jasmine's father gave her mother a small bottle of Ralph Lauren Romance in a pink box, the same year her mother was diagnosed with cancer. Her mother wore it to every chemotherapy and radiation treatment. Years later she wore it again to church and hugged her husband, who began to cry and asked her never to wear it again. Jasmine uses it to show gratitude arrives through what we see, think and smell.

The perfume was worn through every chemo and radiation session
Years later the scent still carried the memory for her father
He was grateful he no longer had to smell cancer
Gratitude registers through the senses, not only through thought

“he said that he was happy he didn't have to smell cancer again”
Jasmine Star · 0:17:41

#gratitude#family#grief#senses

Tool· 1

Tool0:19:51

Photograph your view: turn a gratitude moment into content

Jasmine asks listeners to photograph whatever they are looking at while listening, tag her on Instagram, and say what they are grateful for. She frames it as more than a call to action: audiences genuinely like seeing how other people live, and documenting a gratitude moment is a low-effort content prompt that performs. It converts a private practice into a repeatable posting idea.

Photograph your current view while listening and post it
Pair the image with one thing you are grateful for
People are drawn to seeing how others actually live
A gratitude moment doubles as an easy content format

“People love seeing how other people live their lives.”
Jasmine Star · 0:19:51

#content-ideas#instagram#gratitude#audience

Takeaway· 2

Takeaway0:06:34

Why celebrating other people quietly opens doors you can't see

Beyond dissolving comparison, praising others publicly builds rapport across your industry and exposes you to their network. Jasmine argues you never know who is reading the comment, and it can raise the chance of referrals when a client is not a good fit for them, or a co-sign onto a stage you want. She anchors it on a piece of graffiti she once read in New York.

Commenting on peers' posts earns exposure to their audience
Referrals often flow from people you have publicly supported
A peer may co-sign you for opportunities like speaking slots
Spreading goodwill online has effectively no downside

“Good begets good.”
Jasmine Star · 0:06:34

“When you spread a good positive comment, well, you never know what kind of opportunities you're opening for yourself.”
Jasmine Star · 0:06:34

#networking#social-media#referrals#generosity

Takeaway0:17:41

Barefoot at home, and not caring about the download numbers

Jasmine describes recording barefoot at home with her daughter Luna outside the office door and her husband cooking, and Luna occasionally singing into the podcast microphone. In that moment she says she genuinely does not care about download numbers, booking a hot guest, or landing a sponsor. The point is that gratitude for the work itself displaces the metrics that usually drive comparison.

The metrics that trigger comparison lose their grip under gratitude
Download counts, guest bookings and sponsors are explicitly set aside
Doing work your child can watch you do is the stated reward
Tiredness and stress do not cancel the gratitude

“I really don't care about the download numbers and I really don't care about booking the next hottest guest for the podcast”
Jasmine Star · 0:18:48

#gratitude#podcasting#metrics#family