Three Stress Response Model
Choose fight-flight-freeze, courage, or tend-and-befriend deliberately
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- 96%
The model begins by recognizing fight, flight, and freeze as one cluster of automatic protective responses rather than the complete vocabulary of stress. A person can also cultivate courage, which interprets pressure as a cue for purposeful action, or tend-and-befriend, which redirects attention toward helping, consoling, or collaborating with others. Labeling these alternatives creates a pause between stimulus and behavior. In that pause, the person identifies what the situation actually needs and selects a response rather than obeying the first impulse. Because interpretation influences physiological experience, repeatedly construing pressure as actionable or socially manageable can reduce unnecessary internal friction. The output is a more adaptive response aligned with the real demands of the moment.
Origin
Extracted from The Jasmine Star Show, where Dr. Gabrielle Lyon applied expanded stress-response research to the pressures entrepreneurs experience during launches and uncertain projects.
Core principles
- 01Stress physiology is shaped partly by how a situation is interpreted
- 02Fight, flight, or freeze is not the only available response
- 03Courage converts pressure into action
- 04Tend-and-befriend converts pressure into service and connection
- 05Responses can be labeled, practiced, and cultivated
How to run it
- 1
Detect the Stress Signal
Notice physical activation, avoidance, aggression, indecision, or repetitive thinking as early evidence of a stress response. Pause before attaching a catastrophic meaning to it.
Pro tip Use a simple label such as activation rather than immediately calling the sensation bad.
Watch out Do not ignore signs that indicate a genuine medical emergency or immediate physical threat.
- 2
Name the Default Response
Identify whether you are moving toward fight, flight, or freeze. Naming the pattern makes it easier to distinguish an automatic reaction from a useful decision.
Pro tip Look at your behavior, not the story you tell about being calm or productive.
Watch out A familiar response is not necessarily the response the current situation needs.
- 3
Assess What the Moment Requires
Decide whether the problem is best addressed through self-protection, direct action, or connection with others. Focus on the next useful behavior rather than the total uncertainty.
Pro tip Ask whether action or service would reduce helplessness without creating avoidable harm.
Watch out More action is not always better, especially when overactivity is already your default.
- 4
Choose Courage
When direct intervention is appropriate, take one action-oriented step that addresses the stressor. Use behavior to replace passive fear with useful movement.
Pro tip Choose a reversible next step when the correct solution is uncertain.
Watch out Courage is not recklessness; assess material risks before acting.
- 5
Choose Tend-and-Befriend
When people need support or collective thinking, ask how you can serve, console, or collaborate. Reach toward trusted people rather than isolating yourself.
Pro tip Use specific questions such as what support is needed right now.
Watch out Do not use service to avoid addressing your own legitimate needs.
- 6
Review and Reinforce
After the event, examine how your chosen interpretation affected your body, decisions, and relationships. Repeating adaptive responses makes them more available in future pressure.
Pro tip Record one sentence about the trigger, selected response, and outcome.
Watch out Do not judge yourself for the initial automatic response; evaluate what you chose next.
In the wild
A course creator notices her instinct to fight the disappointing response by producing more material. She pauses and chooses tend-and-befriend instead, contacting participants to learn where they are struggling and what support would help.
→ She channels stress into customer service and obtains useful information for improving the course.
A consultant feels intense activation before presenting an unfamiliar proposal. Rather than interpreting the feeling as proof that the meeting will fail, he chooses courage and begins with the clearest evidence available while inviting questions.
→ The physiological activation becomes a cue for focused action rather than avoidance.
Common mistakes
Calling Every Stressor a Threat
Using one interpretation for delays, work pressure, loss, and physical danger prevents a response from matching the actual situation.
Confusing Courage With More Activity
Compulsive action can reproduce a fight response rather than create a considered, courageous response.
Helping to Avoid Feeling
Tend-and-befriend becomes unhealthy when service is used to suppress personal limits or necessary self-care.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for leaders and entrepreneurs navigating uncertainty, setbacks, interpersonal pressure, or demanding delivery periods.
Not ideal for
It is not a substitute for emergency action, trauma treatment, or medical care when someone faces immediate danger or serious symptoms.
From the transcript
“The courage response which is your back is against the wall. You immediately initiate a action oriented behavior that mitigates a feeling of stress because…”
“And then thirdly, the tend and befriend response to stress. This is immediately. How can I serve others?”
“how we perceive our environment is actually how our physiology responds.”
From the episode
How to Create Sustainable Business Success by Prioritizing Your Health with Dr. Gabrielle Lyon
Dr. Gabrielle Lyon