Unexpected Value Networking Loop
Notice personal details, record them, and follow up with useful surprises
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 99%
The loop begins with attentive listening rather than pitching. During a conversation, notice what another person mentions indirectly: an upcoming difficult conversation, a favorite food, a missing service provider, or a business problem. Step away and record only the detail needed for a respectful follow-up. Later, act on it without attaching a request—send encouragement, introduce a relevant expert, or offer a small gift connected to their interest. Because the gesture is specific and unexpected, it demonstrates that the person was genuinely heard. That emotional evidence strengthens recall, trust, and willingness to recommend or collaborate in the future. Repeating the practice creates a network of advocates through accumulated care rather than transactional exchanges, while restraint and relevance keep the method authentic.
Origin
Jasmine Star described using phone notes to remember personal details from dinners and retreats, then following up with messages, introductions, or gifts.
Core principles
- 01Genuine interest compounds more effectively than self-promotion
- 02Subtle personal details reveal meaningful follow-up opportunities
- 03Small unexpected acts are more memorable than generic outreach
- 04Relationship-building is a long game, not an immediate transaction
How to run it
- 1
Listen beyond the pitch
Focus on what people care about, anticipate, or need rather than searching for an opening to describe yourself.
Pro tip Pay attention to specific nouns, dates, people, and unresolved problems.
Watch out Do not interrogate people for exploitable personal information.
- 2
Capture the detail
Privately record a concise reminder after the conversation, such as an upcoming event, favorite item, or requested connection.
Pro tip Include enough context to remember why the detail mattered.
Watch out Avoid storing sensitive information that the person would not expect you to retain.
- 3
Choose relevant value
Select a message, introduction, resource, or modest gift that directly reflects what the person shared.
Pro tip Thoughtful relevance matters more than monetary value.
Watch out An extravagant gesture can create discomfort or look transactional.
- 4
Act without an ask
Send the follow-up solely to support, encourage, or delight the person.
Pro tip Keep the message brief and explain the remembered connection.
Watch out Do not append a sales pitch or request for access.
- 5
Continue the long game
Stay alert for future opportunities to connect the person with useful people or information.
Pro tip Follow up only when there is genuine relevance.
Watch out Frequent low-value contact can undo the goodwill created by the first gesture.
In the wild
At dinner, Jasmine heard a younger entrepreneur discuss an important upcoming conversation with someone he loved. She recorded a reminder and later sent a message hoping the conversation had gone well.
→ A first meeting became a personal, memorable connection through attentive follow-up.
After overhearing that another attendee loved New Zealand honey, Jasmine saved a note, researched a highly regarded option, and sent it as a thank-you for hosting.
→ The specific gift showed that she had listened and strengthened the relationship beyond the event.
When a contact mentions needing a podcast editor, a founder later introduces a trusted editor without asking for anything in return.
→ The founder becomes associated with useful, thoughtful connections.
Common mistakes
Turning the gesture into a transaction
Adding an immediate request makes the follow-up feel like a tactic rather than genuine care.
Recording details without context
A vague note may be unusable later or lead to an awkward, irrelevant follow-up.
Substituting gifts for listening
Generic or expensive gifts do not create the same trust as a modest action tied precisely to what someone shared.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for founders and professionals who regularly meet valuable people but struggle to create meaningful follow-up.
Not ideal for
It is not ideal for manipulative outreach, indiscriminate gifting, or situations where recording personal details would violate privacy expectations.
From the transcript
“And so I made myself a note to follow up and just send him a note and let him know that. I hope that that…”
“When you care more about their business, you are creating lifelong evangelists for who you are as a founder and a business owner.”
“They will want to help you once you have done something for them that came completely unexpected.”
From the episode
How I Rediscovered Joy as a Leader, Founder, and CEO