The Stop Playing Small Method
Turn a spoken declaration into a bigger identity by raising the pressure to change
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- 60%
The method treats 'playing small' as an identity problem, not a tactics problem. It starts by forcing you to say a declarative statement aloud several times, because a verbalized thought is processed differently in the brain and a public declaration is harder to quietly abandon. It then deliberately raises the pressure of staying the same: you name, in concrete terms, what continuing to shrink will cost you in money, time, potential and impact across the next several years, until that future pain exceeds the comfort of hiding. It reframes shrinking as a failure to serve the people who need you, retires the 'old you' with gratitude, and has you speak the 'new you' into being in the present tense. Finally, because you cannot sustain this alone, you recruit one ally and a code word to nudge you back whenever you start peeling away and taking up less space.
Origin
Extracted from The Jasmine Star Show
Core principles
- 01A thought spoken aloud is processed differently than one kept private
- 02People only change when the pressure of staying the same exceeds the pressure of changing
- 03Playing small feels safe but keeps you stuck
- 04Taking up space is service to the people you serve, not ego
- 05Stepping into a bigger identity is a daily decision, not a one-time event
How to run it
- 1
Make the declarative statement
Say your line out loud, three times, slowly, and sit in it instead of rushing past it. A spoken declaration is processed differently than a private thought and is harder to abandon.
Pro tip Resist the urge to soften or qualify the statement right after saying it.
- 2
Turn the declaration into a visible mantra
Write it on post-it notes on your mirror and laptop, and slip it inside a book so you rediscover it later. Repetition keeps the commitment in front of you.
- 3
Raise the pressure of staying the same
Spell out concretely what continuing to play small costs you in money, time, energy and potential over one, two and five years, until the future pain outweighs the comfort of hiding.
Pro tip Answer aloud: what do I stand to lose by staying here?
- 4
Reframe shrinking as failing others
Recognise that when you play small you become too small a vessel to help the people who need you, so growth becomes an act of service rather than ego.
Pro tip On low days, get out of your own way for them if you cannot do it for yourself.
- 5
Retire the old you, speak the new you
Thank the old version of yourself, then describe the new you in the present tense: the successful, space-taking person who no longer lowers prices out of fear.
Watch out Dropping your prices in a weak moment is the old you resurfacing.
- 6
Recruit an ally and a code word
Find one trusted person in the room and give them a signal to encourage you when you start peeling back, or to call on you when you go quiet.
Pro tip You will not need this forever, but a facilitator to poke you is powerful early on.
Watch out Most rooms will not accept you, so lean on your one ally rather than the crowd.
In the wild
Susan, a coach for introverts, joined a monthly group-coaching call admitting she had played small for years and kept relapsing, even setting her new program pricing 'stupid low.' Jasmine made her say 'I am done playing small' three times slowly until it landed. They then named what staying small would cost her, connected it to recently losing her mother and to the introverts she could not help while hiding, and closed by describing the new version of herself in the present tense.
→ Susan articulated exactly what she stood to lose and committed to 'day one' of taking up space.
Common mistakes
Softening the declaration immediately
Making a bold statement and then instantly qualifying or joking it away lessens its power, so the brain never fully commits.
Waiting to feel ready instead of raising the pressure
Change does not come from motivation; it comes when the pain of staying the same is made vivid enough to exceed the comfort of hiding.
Trying to take up space alone
Without one ally to nudge you, you slip back into shrinking, especially in rooms that will not accept you.
Is it for you?
Best for
Introverted solopreneurs who keep undercharging and shrinking despite knowing they should grow.
Not ideal for
People needing a tactical marketing or pricing playbook rather than an identity and mindset shift.
From the transcript
“the only way a person changes is that the pressure of staying the same must exceed the pressure of the desired change”
“a thought that is verbalized is processed differently in the brain”
“So on the days that you are tempted to go back in, on the days that you're tempted to lower the price for your offerings,…”
From the episode
How to STOP Playing Small and Step into Your Purpose