Totem Pole to Circle
Replace status comparisons with peer connection and mutual support
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- 88%
Totem Pole to Circle is a visual mental model for interrupting status-based comparison. People commonly rank themselves and others by popularity, intelligence, appearance, wealth, talent, or follower count, creating an imagined vertical hierarchy. The model asks them to rotate that hierarchy onto its side and form a circle instead. In the circle, the people nearby are no longer evidence of personal inadequacy; they become possible friends, collaborators, mentors, supporters, and beneficiaries of mutual help. The reframe also changes how disadvantages are interpreted: difficult circumstances can supply capabilities and perspective rather than permanently fixing someone below others. The intended output is greater belonging, participation, relationship-building, and willingness to pursue opportunities alongside peers.
Origin
Extracted from The Jasmine Star Show during Jasmine Star's keynote to high school senior girls at Brandman University.
Core principles
- 01Status comparisons distort how people perceive their own potential.
- 02Visible advantages do not determine another person's full capacity.
- 03Peers can become collaborators, supporters, and life-changing connections.
- 04Adversity can be treated as preparation rather than disqualification.
- 05Belonging grows when people participate as equals.
How to run it
- 1
Identify the imagined hierarchy
Notice where you are ranking people by popularity, talent, intelligence, appearance, money, or audience size. Make the comparison explicit rather than allowing it to operate silently.
Pro tip Write down the specific attribute behind each comparison.
Watch out Do not confuse social status signals with a complete assessment of someone's life or value.
- 2
Locate your assigned position
Observe whether you have placed yourself above or below other people and what story that position creates. Identify any conclusion that says their advantages prevent your progress.
Pro tip Listen for thoughts beginning with, “I can't succeed because…”
Watch out Placing yourself above others is part of the same hierarchy and can block connection.
- 3
Rotate the structure
Mentally turn the totem pole on its side and imagine everyone standing in a circle. This preserves individual differences without converting them into a single ranking of human worth or potential.
Pro tip Use the physical layout of a room to reinforce the circle metaphor.
Watch out The model does not erase real inequalities or formal roles; it changes how you approach peers.
- 4
Look for reciprocal value
Ask what you can learn from, offer to, or build with the people around you. Treat each interaction as a possible source of mutual transformation.
Pro tip Begin by offering specific encouragement or practical help.
Watch out Do not reduce relationships to transactional networking.
- 5
Reframe your starting conditions
Consider how current hardships may be developing resourcefulness, persistence, empathy, or other capabilities. Use the resources you have instead of waiting for a supposedly superior position.
Pro tip Name one strength produced by each major constraint.
Watch out Reframing adversity should not become denial of pain or structural barriers.
- 6
Act as a member of the circle
Participate, ask questions, share ideas, and maintain the relationships you begin. Repeated equal-footed action turns the mental reframe into a supportive network.
Pro tip Follow up with one person after each gathering.
Watch out The exercise has little effect if it remains only a visualization.
In the wild
Jasmine points to Brianna, her best friend since age 14, as evidence that someone in the room can change a person's life. Brianna gave Jasmine $100 so she could attend prom with the boy who later became her husband, and their friendship endured into adulthood.
→ A peer relationship created an opportunity with lasting personal significance.
At a university event, students stop sorting one another by grades, popularity, clothing, or social reach. Each student introduces herself to two peers, offers one useful connection, and follows up afterward.
→ The room becomes a source of reciprocal support rather than status anxiety.
Common mistakes
Reversing instead of removing the hierarchy
Deciding that previously lower-status people are now superior preserves the ranking mechanism rather than creating a circle.
Using the circle as empty positivity
The reframe must lead to conversation, contribution, and follow-up rather than merely asserting that everyone is equal.
Ignoring real power differences
A peer mindset should not obscure formal authority, discrimination, or unequal access that may still require direct action.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for students, teams, communities, and networking groups where status anxiety prevents authentic participation.
Not ideal for
It is not ideal for situations that require formal accountability or recognition of genuine differences in authority and responsibility.
From the transcript
“We call this this moment that I'm going to get to in a second, and I call it the totem pole of success.”
“Let's turn it on its side and let's create a circle and let's look to the girl next to us and next to us and…”
“That in this very room there is one person who will transform your life.”
From the episode
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